Before I answered the CALL to seek out the father, the meaning of life, find the Holy Grail, call it what you will – I cursed the darkness, I railed against religiosity. I felt like I was orphaned. I felt like I was left in a basket on the doorstep of people who did not know or understand me, but loved me and raised me – at times somewhat apprehensively, but raised me nonetheless. I was a happy child to the world at large, but I had my dark side. I said my prayers before I went to bed. I went to Sunday school. I was for all intensive purposes a good kid. Nevertheless, I was restless.
As I grew older, I began to read fairy tales, mythology, science fiction, philosophy, horror novels, I loved getting lost in foreign lands, and other worlds, other realities – but it was not enough. I felt the pull of nature, I spent a lot of time outside getting lost in the woods; playing in the creeks getting wet and dirty coming home late and missing dinner, only to be banished to my room, my sanctuary, my fortress of solitude, my stronghold and castle keep; once again to lose myself to my inner world, my interior landscape.
I did not know it then, but I was immersed in the world of spirit, of the soul, I was a PUER AETERNUS – an eternal youth. I flew high. I traveled the underworld of the unconscious, I was immortal. I lived completely in my own little universe. I slept with a night light because in the dark and in the shadows, I could see spectral beings dancing across the astral plane, and hear the cries of the spirits who could not move on.
In the world of spirit I did not feel alone, but I had no guide; at least not one that I knew of. I felt things that I knew other kids did not feel, for if they did they did not share their experiences with me. When I felt like I was going to lose my mind, in a moment of complete vulnerability, I told my father that I needed to speak to someone. I was told that I had my parents to talk to. I wonder years later when I sunk into a total psychotic state if my father ever remembered that moment, I have never forgotten.
My child’s ears or heart could not hear the clarion call of spirit and the invisible world beyond. As a young adult I ran amok with reckless abandon; it was not until I began to immerse myself in the study of Shamanism that I began to understand that communing with nature and the mercurial spirits of form that I had allies, guides, and messenger spirits there to usher me along. I know now that all the years that I tested the boundary of my mortality, by pushing the limits with my out of control behavior that I had a guardian Archangel looking after me, and that I had a purpose on this earthly plain.
Now as an adult I have heard the call, felt the call, and I know what I am here to do. At first, I thought I was a messenger. I was here to spread the word that we must as a race of people, humankind, come together, and put aside our differences, and work as one body to evolve and seek our higher selves. However, as of late I have been charged to teach, not just inspire, and share a message. I am no longer a messenger, but have been charged with the duty of being an Emissary. So, that being said, I am on a mission, as I believe we are all should be. To look beyond the material world, see the light, and attain a higher vibration, to be in tune with the one song that is the Universe – should be our communal aspiration.
I am not out to save the world or any grandiose idea of that nature. I am here to share with you my story of how I have healed my diseased mind, healed my ravaged body, enlivened my spirit, and plumbed the depth of my soul to actualize and realize myself to know my Quintessence, the fifth element, my higher self, to embrace and come to know that we are all God stuff, we are all AETHER As the Alchemist would say: “The All in The All,” we are all connected.
I have called what I know to be inherent in all of us as – The Golden Impulse – The Soulful force to action to arouse the mind and spirit to seek its Higher Self.
It is said – we are spirits having an earthly experience; if that is true then why is it we find ourselves in this world, in this the state, struggling for the basic of human needs. Why is that six million people who desire and long for the same thing cannot agree to disagree, and agree to do the work, and rise above the petty contrivances and misconceived idea of separation and live in peace and harmony and abundance and make a heaven here on Earth. My answer to that is -Growing Pains – for we are in our spiritual infancy.
We pay little attention to our souls. Most of us could barely give an answer to what is a soul; let alone what a soul needs, longs for, or how to care for it. We are moving at the speed of blight consuming everything in our eye line as we careen through life. We need to wade out of the shallow end of the gene pool and head for deeper waters. This is not a judgment, for what is a judgment but a decision. Life is about choices, and making the right decisions. I cannot choose for the whole of humanity, but I can choose for myself, and I choose to shine as bright and as long as I can. I thirst and hunger for a life deep and wide, full of meaning and purpose, and rich in experience. It is not for me to judge what has value and meaning, but life is short. We need to wake up.
To do that we must first not just change behavior, but change beliefs; we need not have the same beliefs, but at least agree to the universal truths that we can all agree upon. Let us focus on what we want, what we desire, and come to a consensus. Let us not waste time, energy, on what does not serve the common good. Let us answer the call to be and do Gods work. Let us plant seeds of love, and tend to the ground of all being. Let us work together daily for the common good, to lift up each other for no other reason than it is the right thing to do. Answer the call – and see yourself in the eyes of others. We all share the same soul – what the Alchemists call the – Anima Mundi – the World Soul. Let us listen to, feel, and embrace that nagging sensation that things are not as they should be. You can feel that right. Watch the news… Read the paper… Listen to people complain, blame, and shame… It seems everyone needs an adversary. If it is not me, it must be you, or it must be that time that that thing happened or what did not go right, or our way. Be aware of that annoying ego who tries to keep you stuck. The ego will jam the signal of your Golden Impulse, The Call. The ego is selfish and self-serving. It wants you for itself. It is an over bearing lover, a doting parent that will not let you leave the house or run with scissors. Be still and know that you are one with God. Be still and listen. Sometime you will over hear someone’s conversation and swear that they are talking to you. On the other hand, you see the same word repeatedly, a word, which you never did really ever use or see before, and now you see it everywhere, and you just heard it in that over heard conversation. Then you realize you do know that word – you heard it long ago and it makes you think of a friend you have not seen in years, and then that friend calls you unexpectedly. Or, I love this one it happens to me all the time, I swear I see that person once, twice throughout the day, then I realize what is happening and then I see that person everywhere I turn – at the store, the gas station, at the red light, at some point I realize, I am being paged, summoned if you will. Maybe that person is thinking of me, maybe that person passed on. However, because we all have tunnel vision, we myopically move through life with our selective hearing, and selective memory. We do not heed the call. Opportunity knocks, synchronicity – Gods breadcrumbs are trampled underfoot, and we live as if we are not expecting to be called. I am telling you are being called, you are being called.
Listen with your Heart. Be quiet, be still, unplug, unwind, release, and relinquish, surrender – choose to be open, and vulnerable and accepting – choose to see a better world, choose to choose again until you see what you want, want what you desire, desire what you have, desire what you love, love what you are, be what you are being called to do. Be the light, be the love, Ask, Believe, and Receive with all your Heart, Soul, with all your Spirit with the Universal Mind of God know that heaven is within you, within me, we are one and we are all together, then you will hear the call. Then you will be the call.
For those who teach learn, those who learn teach. The hand that gives also receives. You cannot live a life of spirit, in spirit without wanting to share. Now, that you have answered the call, now what, where am I being called to, you may be wondering? To that, I say: to service. Remember it is not the destination, but the journey. A life of service has many and varied paths. The path is the next step in the process of the journey home.
Jeffrey Scott Turnbull